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>> greg: yes, i love you, all right. thank you. no case of the mondays here but we do have brit hume fever. happy monday everyone. in a rare appearance, president biden said, i can't sugarcoat any of this, these are dark days. he later revealed he was talking about his underpants. president trump told reporters he had an mri that was "perfect. and he encouraged reporters to look at it. i believe we have a picture of it. [laughs] we had to order that censored sign extra-large. 183 million passwords have reportedly been stolen in a massive data breach. granted, mine was pretty easy to steal.

[laughs] 1999 other people had that. kamala harris is hinting that she may run for president again in 2028. i know. in fact, she got to work writing the first draft of her concession speech. [laughs] chicago mayor lori lightfoot wants to force eyes agents to remove their masks. i.c.e. responded, sure, you go first. [laughs] i mean can you imagine what is under that? what if she's hot? what if she's like a ten? oh, my goodness. to protest the construction of the new white house ballroom, hillary clinton is selling hats that say "not his house, our house. i hear she's making a killing.

[laughs] and selling some hats. she kills people. chelsea clinton also criticize trump's demolition of the east wing saying it was a place where she used to play hide and seek. [laughs] yeah. it's also where her dad used to play hide the baloney. [laughs] you saw where it was going. kourtney kardashian is launching a line of lollipops that are designed to support vaginal health. put me down for two cases, said one man. [laughs] lollipops for vaginal health? they better come with very clear instructions. [laughs] there's three potential issues. finally, a 13-year-old boy had

emergency surgery after swallowing 100 magnets. but the good news is, he had a blast riding on the outside of the ambulance. [laughs] yeah. all right, r.i.p., magnet kid. he's alive, i think. i don't know. i bet you are wondering, is kamala made a decision yet. >> have you made a decision yet? >> i have not. >> you say in your book, i'm not done. >> that's correct, i'm not done. i have lived my entire career a life of service and it's in my bones and there are many ways to serve. i have not decided yet what i will do in the future beyond what i am doing right now. [laughs] >> greg: yeah, she's not done yet. she always says that at last call. [laughs]

question is, how will she ever know? she dropped out before the first primary, somehow became vice president and then was humiliated by trump. she does not know when she has had enough. just ask the bartender at chili's. then there's gavin who says he will consider a white house run. >> i'm looking forward to who presents themselves in 2028 and who meets that moment. that's the question for the american people. >> after the 2026 midterms you will give it serious thought? >> i would be lying otherwise. i would just be lying. i can't do that. [laughs] >> greg: i would be lying and i can't do that. since you cannot lie, what dickey a low where while the pacific palisades burned? and what was it like banging your campaign manager's wife? of course he's just waiting for us to forget that his estate looks like an overturned porta-potty. but with crime statistics and

fake boobs, why not have a fake governor? portrayed himself as a kid struggling to meet ends meet. >> it was about paying the bills. just like hustling. so i was out there kind of raising myself. turning on the tv, started, you know, getting obsessed, sitting there with, you know, the wonder bread and five stacks of -- [laughs] >> macaroni and cheese. >> greg: he watched one episode of good times. [laughs] it's a nice story except that it's about as flimsy as the drawstring on j.b. pritzker's mumu. while gavin was hustling he was featured in a children of the rich article. detailing his ties to billionaire oilman gordon gaddy.

his dad worked for the same fortune that bankrolled gavin's first business venture, a winery. this guy owned a wine shop at 24 years old, back when yours truly was still doing modeling to pay for alcohol. those pictures follow me everywhere. he did not hustle for rent, he hustled the truth. like when hollywood celebrities say they lived out of a car before they made it. they don't tell you the car was a mercedes parked in front of their parents mansion in malibu. he was not even one of those poor kids. poor kids don't have that -- otters pet like gavin did, which also means he had pet fish to feed said otter. never had a real job and when he gained power he counts on wikipedia editors to make an working class and then you count

on nobody bothering to look it up which is a bad strategy in this day of chatgpt and a public who no longer believes anything coming from the media. the party depends on ignorance as a survival mechanism. whether it's white house renovations, fake origin story, biden's health cover-up, everything the democrats deny can be exposed with something as simple as a google search. the days of a journalist having to do a deep dive for three days is over. i can discover the truth between sets on my thighmaster. [laughs] but this party believes their supporters will not bother to check. and in politics, that's easy because who wants to look up anything, unless it's a celebrities nudes, where the next time i'm in town, or if you are a super fan, both. that brings us to the socialist for queens who believes the worst outcome of 9/11 was islamophobia, citing his onto stop using the subway. >> i want to use this moment to

speak to the muslims of new york city, to the memory of my aunt. who stopped taking the subway after september 11th because she did not feel safe. >> greg: poor thing. i don't know about you but i think worst thing happened on and since 9/11. and she not using the subway, she was just ahead of us. not riding the subway is what people do to avoid getting murdered by people her nephew protects. not only that, it was not even his aunt by the deceased distant cousin he clarified on monday. probably never happened, let's be honest. once again here's where google becomes the left script tonight. i've come across three murders directly attributed to anti-arab hatred. meanwhile a study by the department of justice estimates that 23-27 honor killings occur annually in the u.s.

but mamdani expects you to express empathy for people like this relative but no empathy for victims of october 7th or crime in general. democrats are more interested in seeking both sven the truth and they assume their supporters will never check the paper trail. that's the point. the past does not matter, the truth does not matter, the only thing that matters is that you don't look it up. let's welcome tonight's guests. he shaves between shows, but not his face, host of the guy benson show, guy benson. [cheering and applause] democrats accuse her of unnecessary roughness, host of the michele tafoya podcast, michele tafoya. [cheering and applause] you may have seen this comedian selling his own blood. rider and comedian joe devito. [cheering and applause] and she moonlights as a skeleton at a medical college,

best-selling off author and foxs contributor, kat timpf. [cheering and applause] guy, there are so many things in that brilliant monolog that i don't even know what to ask you except that who is lying the most? kamala, dana perino makes a good point, she might be saying this to keep the book tour going and to maintain interest but then you have gavin who takes on a whole persona of somebody. he was just raising himself while opening a winery. [laughs] >> and then mamdani with the onto does not exist. >> greg: i guarantee -- is the cousin deceased? >> deceased distant cousin. it's the perfect -- you can never prove that wrong now. >> greg: it's like your canadian girlfriend. >> i don't claim to have one of those anymore. i'm going to go with gavin on

this one and i don't understand why people do this. don't be this inauthentic. the story that was written about him in "the san francisco chronicle" in 1991 calls him a society kid. let me read from a replay. gavin newsome 24 things he and his business partner are doing their families, who are wine collectors, a favor. his first-ever quote in print, we can save them some money and also give them access to better quality winds. [laughs] that's a tough upbringing there. and by the way, good for him. if he has enough money to start a wine company and his early 20s, that's fine, but don't pretend that you were subsisting off of wonder bread end & cheese. it's such an obvious lie. trump by contrast is very rich, like really rich, and so he flies around in an airplane with his name on it, he builds buildings with his name on it. he eats big macs on his airplane

and sits on his golden toilet. he doesn't pretend to be anything other than what he is. gavin should just owned the fact he's a rich kid. >> greg: but here's the deal, michele, he was on an nba podcast. this is one of that -- it's the racism of -- it's a different kind of racism but he changed his persona. these black guys understand white bread and being raised in a single household. i can't talk about my wine to them. but trump would. because trump would understand that the nba guys are aspirational, they want to be him. >> and a lot of them drink wine. this is not a lie. when i got up this morning i listened to a podcast and the host said i want you to imagine just the first person who comes to mind who really, really annoys you because i want to make you accept that person. the first person that came to my mind was gavin newsom.

i swear to god. i grew up in california so i'm really year it aided about everything he's done there including all of these lies and i hate that these nbi guys -- nba guys are basketball guys bought what he was selling. you should know better than that. california is known for a couple things, one of them is wine. unlike find wine, kamala does not age well. [laughs] so the more times she's out there, it just gets worse and worse and worse. that's that kind of wine. >> greg: they left the cork off. >> they left the cork off. that are going to take you -- we were on the same wavelength, so newsom and his wine, let me read you this quote. it's about demystifying the wine buying experience and removing the intimidation factor, two elements that were short supply in that wine world in 1992 when the store opened. suddenly there was a place where consumers could learn about

wines in a friendly helpful atmosphere where they could feel free to ask questions, where the selection was large and the price is fair and where, in homage to the shakespearean namesake, wine in the spirit of fun and adventure. >> greg: what he was trying to do was, he gets the guys in on the wine and that banks their wives. [laughs] >> i have to say if i was a campaign manager and someone banked my wife, i would be very upset. [laughs] but you know what i would do? i would pretend for a while that i did not know and i would just, you know, kind of undermine the campaign from the inside. >> greg: yes. >> i would keep scheduling interviews that i would tell them would be friendly and then they would not be friendly and then i would do it a few times and i would be like you know what, this is really a tough break, why don't we get together

with your family, bring some of your confidence up. why we -- while we are there i seduce his dad. [laughs] so now i have tanked your campaign and i'm your stepmom. >> greg: nice. [laughs] [applause] >> greg: i like it when you put some thought into these segments. >> also you would be super rich then. >> exactly. >> greg: joe, do you have any plans like that with nancy pelosi? >> look, i don't understand why you guys cannot relate. when i was a kid, i had my first paper route and winery. [laughs] >> it's so hard to find merlot that pairs well with macaroni and cheese. >> greg: so true. >> he could barely afford to have his childhood tai chi lessons. it's easy for him to live because he's an empty soulless

reptile person so he will just assume whatever persona is there. kamala is not quite as good, they found she's polling is a less viable candidate then dwayne johnson, the rock. i don't know why that is surprising, she should be polling less than an actual rock. with how stupid she is. mamdani has me the most scared and he's proof of the expression people say, things cannot get any worse. now we have him. remember the good old days when we made fun of bill de blasio because he ate a slice of pizza in the night before? now mamdani shoveling food into his mouth with his hands. what's next, ramen with his feet? i say that not to be culturally insensitive but you know at his zillion dollar wedding they had some fancy silverware going on so i don't want to hear about this is a cultural thing. >> greg: how do you pronounce the name of his college? bowden? you know what he graduated in? africana studies.

you know what that is? i don't know what that is. >> he's from uganda. >> greg: oh, yeah? >> whatever that means. >> greg: he was born there, that's why he was african. but he's not, he just happened to be born there. it would like me being born in a walmart and claiming i'm a member of the walmart family. [laughs] up next, trump's third term. [cheering and applause] am a widd ryan died. we never thought we'd have to use life insurance. with ethos, it is so fast and easy. you can get a quote in seconds, apply in minutes and get same-day coverage. check your price today at ethos.com.

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>> donald trump, we don't deserve him. [applause] >> greg: trump jokes about a third term and makes democrats

squirm but it's the press who loves to dance, -- it's a president who loves to dance, not one who -- his pants. reporters aboard air force one asked him about a potential third term but like me on prom night two years ago, he played hard to get. roll it. >> in a recent interview there could be plans for you to run and potentially win a third term in 2028. is that something -- >> i have not really thought about it. we have some good people as you know. i have the best poll numbers i've ever had. am i not ruling it out? you will have to tell me. all i can tell you is we have a great group of people, which they don't. >> greg: that's how you dodger question. trump was harder to nail down then the lid on biden's coffin.

but do they have jasmine crockett, a low iq person? >> they have jasmine crockett, a low iq person. they have aoc, low iq. give her an iq test, have her pass, like, the exams i decided to take one i was at walter reed. let aoc go against trump. let jasmine go against trump. the first couple of questions are easy, a tiger, elephant, giraffe, you know. you get up to about five or six and then when you get up to ten and 20, 25, they could not come close to answering any of those questions. >> greg: for pritzker, a tiger, elephant and giraffe are just his lunch order. earlier in malaysia, trump busted out his dance moves when a troupe of dancers greeted him with open arms. ♪ ♪

[laughs] [cheering and applause] >> greg: the man knows how to have a good time. he comes off the plane dancing while biden had to be shipped in a box of dry ice. [laughs] so michele, this is eerie behind the third term stuff as posited by scott adams, so it's true. if you assume that trump only has three years left ago, a country might think you could just outlast him. but if it's seven years you are like i don't think we can wait him out, we better do business. what do you think of that? >> i think that's interesting, as adam scott -- everything scott adam posits is interesting. i think trump loves needling these people. why on earth would he say no, of course not? that would take that out of the -- this is this little silver

look over here and play with this, because all he's getting people to do is talk about something that is totally irrelevant. >> greg: it does not even exist. >> and he doesn't care but he loves needling them and it is so entertaining to watch. >> greg: you know what it is, joe, we always talk about how the democrats glommed towards imaginary problems so he's just giving them an imaginary problem. >> and he's so great. look at the difference between him and biden where biden asked one question and then they had took heart him off. that's probably the one question he got and then he talked for an hour and 45 minutes. he does enjoy driving them crazy with stuff like this. i think is trying to wear them out, they can only have so much energy for things to get bent over and the stuff he says about aoc and jasmine crockett, i would love -- he's giving them the first couple of answers about lions and tigers.

>> greg: it's like the ladies tea. [laughs] >> but aoc is a dan wendt. i can see she's probably listening to that saying he probably was not even vaccinated for malaysia. [laughs] >> greg: so kat, what did you make of his dance? a pretty good upper body dancer. >> i only dance with my upper body too so i can relate. >> greg: it's all i do. after the accident. what do you make of the third term talked? >> i had a lot of fun watching the clip but i was not watching trump, i was watching marco rubio in the background to the entire time. he was just kind of like -- he's doing that. a soft smile but it's the smile you do when you are very scared. [laughs] he's like what am i about ready to be in the background of? >> greg: and also it's like trump might call you in on it. isn't that right,, marco?

>> after every time he says something, you can see him kind of go i can smile a bit more because that one was not that bad. he was really afraid of the whole time and i think by the end, i feel like he feels like it went pretty well for him. >> he's worried he might have to explain. >> you were there. he's like nervously hopeful. >> greg: yeah. i think they probably gone into the world of acceptance where there's nothing you can do, is just going to say what he says. what struck you as interesting? >> i love that he is still so proud of the cognitive test. [laughs] i think he was bragging about it to dr. siegel in an interview way back in the day years ago where it was like man, woman, camera, tv, i think was the first four. he's so proud of it. he's held onto that for years, he likes to brag about it. i appreciate it. the other thing i saw was a

headline that some democrats are apparently mad about the dancing, or pretending to be, like he's dancing with foreigners while we have a government shutdown. the phony is to complaint upper. first of all they can open the government by voting to stop it and secondly, they love foreigners as long as they are here and a legal. [laughs] [applause] >> greg: guy benson! slicing up some red meet. here you go! eat it! up next, swalwell's nonsense. [applause] mucus levels are high today, huh? good thing those other meds don't last. not today, cough and chest congestion, i got mucinex 12-hour. most medications let mucus build back up after just 4 hours. mucinex 12-hour works continuously to break up mucus and move it up and out. mucinex 12-hour for cough and chest congestion. rid the congestion, kill the cough.

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seeking democratic nomination for president unless you plan on taking down the ballroom on day one. it's pretty cool that he's defining the litmus test for the winning strategy. do you remember when he ran for president? >> about two days. this is so dumb. all presidents come in and do renovations. remember barack obama took out the tennis courts to put in his sewing knock and michelle's weight room. this is another example of they have to pace themselves. he's got three years to go and you are complaining about renovations. everything they complain about, they are still complaining about i.c.e. i found a solution. if they want to get upset about i.c.e. deporting people, we can replace i.c.e. with something more efficient, crabby white ladies from martha's vineyard. when it comes to clearing out migrants, nobody does a better

job. [applause] >> greg: it's true. we need to weaponize the wealthy martha's vineyard crohn's. >> i changed planes at o'hare airport, they had me on a plane faster than any -- [laughs] >> greg: kat, is this really a story? >> no, i think that this post was very on brand for what the democratic party has been lately. it's like okay, we are going to prioritize this very expensive virtue signal that helps exactly no one. if you don't get on board, then you are excommunicated. that is so much of what the democratic party does. there's a virtue signal, everybody needs to be on board or you are excluded from the group. i'm not surprised to see it. >> greg: also it's funny because, you know, it doesn't cost anything to build this but it's going to cost millions to tear it down.

a very democrat thing. it is true, guy, when you think about it, all they do is tear things down. >> profound. [laughs] the thing is, they are absolutely going to use the ballroom. because it's practical. they don't have a big enough space to hold events like this so they bring an expensive tense that they rent, they put pack people into the east room. this will be renamed in a grand way by the democrats to needle trump and they will name it after obama or something with a new, like, rededication or something to exorcise the demons of donald trump and then they will use the hell out of that thing because the white house campus could use it. >> greg: didn't trump want this bill during obamas years as a gift or something? maybe i'd ramped it. i have really vivid dreams. [laughs] it is -- i keep hammering this,

michele, but it's like this story is a two step process. you hear it and then you google and find out it's b.s. all you have to do is google past renovations and the story falls apart but they assume no one will do it. >> greg: i hope your vivid dreams don't involve eric swalwell. [laughs] >> number 2, he needs a cognitive test. i would like to see this guy's iq test, eric swalwell. why does california seem to produce so many crap politicians. it's a massive state, we both grew up there. >> greg: and we left. but you know what it is, new york state and california state have one thing in common, one-party states. you don't have any -- you don't have a balance of people that say you guys are getting a little crazy. >> it's amazing that california produced ronald reagan.

that's crazy to me at this point. i can't see anyone even close. certainly not california. eric swalwell needs a hobby and i don't know if it's another honeypot, i don't know what it is, but he's one of the most -- >> his hobby was deported. [laughs] >> there you go. >> greg: put it in a little white box. put a menu on the side. knocking on the door of the chinese embassy. >> he said that, i did not say that. >> greg: what did i say? that happens sometimes, it's a disorder. >> is this a vivid dream we are all in? [laughs] >> greg: all right, i will stop now. coming up, group therapy for childless cat ladies. [applause]

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>> greg: no kings was therapy. so a psychotherapist called the no kings protest group therapy in the streets, blending emotional catharsis with activism which is not surprising when you learn that the typical attendee was an educated white woman in her 40s. the expert added that a lot of these people are not happy with their personal lives and are projecting their own anxiety and anger onto others. does this make sense to you? >> yeah. [laughs] >> i mean have fun. i feel like a lot of times living in new york you see protests all the time and sometimes you see people kind of having a great time. i watched a group of people on my instagram story as i was at home with my kid over the weekend. i watch them go to the no kings protest during the day and then at night they went and saw an edm show together. i'm like this was just a hang.

a day and everybody had a good time. >> greg: i'm against that. >> i know you are. >> greg: it's funny though, kat says she's home with her kid. that's kind of the issue, a lot of these people don't have family and this is their family. >> that maybe. they said the average person was in her 40s. that seems young. >> greg: it does. you have this correlation of a high-level of mental illness in that same group. >> i would say, like, i definitely prefer this to threatening i.c.e. agents or shooting people. if you are going to -- we have kind of pressure valves in democracies and protesting is one of them. if this is what they want to do with their lives on a beautiful saturday, i spend it with my family and watch football and that's a good day. if this is what they want to do it doesn't really bother me. they seem to be doing this a lot. there's going to be a third one. i don't get the appeal. >> i get the appeal, they were

trying to get away from football. [laughs] >> you are going to be of the next one. >> it's too long. sunday and monday? thursday? give me a break. at a certain point it's enough. >> it's never enough. >> and you know what, i want to be one of those people who enjoys it. it's not fun to not enjoy it because it's on in my house all day. i would much rather enjoy it. >> doing very well for a no kings rally right now. >> i'm going to pick up a sign and be like this is better than football. [laughs] >> greg: what is your pressure valve? [laughs] how do you like to blow off a little steam? >> it's not starting with the women's team like you. >> greg: unnecessary. michele, what say you?

do you think that everything could be therapy, like, pickleball, art class. it doesn't lead to anything that, you know, is disruptive. >> even if these were not destructive, there's so much anger there. that's what i see. i see anger dressed up in inflatable, you know, causa suits. that's a lot of what you saw, these inflatable animal suits with really angry people inside. that could eventually get dangerous. i don't know. i think this whole no kings branding, i guess it must have been brilliant because everyone seems to really like it and they are selling merchandise. but it is so stupid. it reminds me of -- you go by a bookstore and they have a big sign, we sell banned books. they are not banned because you are selling them. so it's so stupid and they tried to come off as so intelligent and intellectual and it's just --

>> greg: another imaginary problem. is this where you go to meet women, joe? the average age is 40. i know that's a little young. >> that demographic of women, this is the time of the year where they start adding pumpkin spice to their antidepressants. [laughs] >> they don't have to worry about getting in trouble for anything they do at work because they are all the human resources ladies. a bunch of narcs. yeah, i think that cats are probably glad they are getting out of the house to stop dressing them up. >> greg: all the cats in the neighborhood are getting together. >> put on their game. >> let's watch some football. >> exactly. the costumes, adults walking around in these costumes, it's like a mardi gras where no one wants to see your tits. >> greg: yes. [laughs] [ applause ]

>> greg: keep your eyes down here. [laughs] up next, the poo detective returns. [ applause ]

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>> when brown comes to town, you need a man who won't blush at the sound of a flush. you need the poo detective. [cheering and applause] >> greg: tonight in an international edition of poo detective, they case of the indian guy benson festival. youtuber tyler oliveira is being called racist for filming indian villagers throwing cow dung at each other as part of a hindu tradition. people are mad because he made light of it and ignored the cultural significance behind the poo flinging of course. guy, this is your area of expertise. is it racist just pointing a camera at some kind of cultural

tradition, or did he crossed the line? >> i don't understand if he needs this content is badly. why would he spend all of the money and take the time to go to india when he can do something similar on the streets of san francisco? >> greg: that is true. that's not even cow dung. maybe that's why, he preferred the cow dung over the human dung. >> that is the joke, yeah. [laughs] >> greg: i like to explain it. shut up! we are going to do this whole segment over again. [laughs] michele, the guy said it was the [bleep] experience of his life. is this the kind of humor we have come to expect from these young youtubers? making light of religious traditions? >> you know, everyone in that picture looks like they are having a great time and no one looks upset with him. >> greg: no kings. >> some guys have their arm on him as he's filming, they like

that he's there. people were upset he put on a hazmat suit and call goals. oh that's racist, you don't want to be part of the poo flinging. he was definitely in the poo flinging and everybody seemed to be enjoying him. i think this is -- yeah, it's something. it's something to say. racist? no. when everything is racist, nothing is racist. >> greg: kat, don't all cultures have some kind of strange customs that from afar look strange to us? >> i'm not going to make fun of these people, they are definitely happier than i am. [laughs] i talk all the time about struggling with faith, i would love to believe in god but i'm not sure. these people so strongly believe in their god that they are robbing [bleep] all over themselves in honor of him. these are happy people and they are happier than i will ever be and good for you guys. >> greg: they can't eat cows right, that's the thing. >> they don't need to.

>> greg: yeah. joe, is this something you might be interested in doing after the show at my place? [laughs] i don't have any cow poo but i ate a lot of brand. >> i always get nervous when somebody says after we put down the tarp. [laughs] yeah, i don't think it's the greatest idea for a vacation but still cleaner than acorn apollo crews. [laughs] -- carnival crews -- we are not supposed to judge but to michele's point, they don't seem to be bothered by him walking around in a hazmat suit. if i were at the san genaro festival and someone walked by in a hazmat suit i might think something is up with the sausage from the venue. but you can tell it was a time honored indian tradition because at the end of this they said please hold for a brief survey. [laughs] >> greg: you know, a racist might laugh at that joke.

and may add to that a racist might add that this is why i had to wait 10 minutes on my last customer service call. >> they had [bleep] to do. [applause] >> greg: well... [laughs] we will be right back. [applause]

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[cheering and applause] >> good evening, i'm trace gallagher it's 11:00 p.m. on the east coast, 8:00 here in los angeles and this is america's late news, fox news at night. breaking, moments ago president trump signing a rare earth mineral deal with japan's prime minister.

but the highlight of his asi